SKITTLES TO THE RESCUE!!!
GUEST COLUMNIST!!?
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| Skittles and "the Gang!!!" photo by Skittles and well done! |
BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED COMING UP SOON!!!
THIS SATURDAY IS SHARK MINION ANNIVERSARY KIT DAY!!
Belo News
July 16, 2022
Shark Cove, Mi. - While our intrepid hero, the Sharkman was in Canada, attending a photography workshop, Skittles came to the rescue to provide this rivetting account of last weeks classic we all know as the KK-TdG.
DISCLAIMER
Belo News cannot be held responsible for any inaccuracies, insults or for other provacations in this riveting account and as always from Belo News, any semblance to the truth is purely coincidental!
Take it away, Skittles!!!
As dawn broke warm and humid over Skittle’s house, a brightly colored rainbow themed bouncy house castle, our intrepid replacement editor was stepping out for the 8:30 AM start (SHARP!!) Deciding to drive in he hit the road in hopes of a good turn out in Sharkman’s absence.
Thankfully he found some heavy hitters showed up: Bissell Boy, The Swede, Maid Marion, Hermster with others and last but never least, That Sweetheart of the Peloton: Gazelle Girl alongside her boy-toy Toesetter. How does Sharkman remember all the various Minions Names?? Does he have an extra brain in his dorsal fin?? OH THE HUMANITY!!
Casual banter of course ensued wherein it was noted today’s count is nine and NOT thirteen, so no crashes were expected. Our heroes rolled out with Skittles and The Swede doing the initial pulling at a casual pace. Talk about someone taking the Shark Sprint in honor of the Man Hizzself was quashed and our heroes casually rolled over the line.
Toesetter drove a mighty tough pace up the hill just past the Col de Twin Lakes with The Swede, Gazelle Girl and yrs trly on his wheel. They bore down on the finish with all four going into a dead sprint and The Swede holding on for the win. Eventually the sprint to M-43 was next, Hermster driving hard to the Stop Ahead Sign with Skittles running him down just to see if he could close such a large gap.
At the stop, Gazelle Girl was reminded how she complained of Toesetter pulling too hard down M43 on the last Minion Ride and was Volun-Told she’d be leading us neutrally down to Sheffield Rd. Through the Holy Rollers, Skittles strove to the front, using his famous Super-Tuck to dare anyone to follow him. To his shock, he noticed The Swede was there with Toesetter hot on his wheel, coming around to take a deserved win.
Unbeknownst to Skittles but knownst to the rest of the gang, The Swede and Toesetter came hot on his wheel, with The Swede taking a deserved win after his strategic move. Our heroes began the trip down to the G Spot with all the riders not wanting a repeat of a few weeks back when a devastatingly giant canyon, er, pothole jumped out and tried to kill Sharkman.
With that out of the way Skittles, Toesetter and The Swede pulled hard at the front. So hard in fact, when they finally checked and found the group way back and decided to to soft pedal until they caught up.
IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT??!!
Eventually, Gazelle Girl came along and lovingly admonished them for dropping her, whereupon Toesetter led her out into the sprint one may only win if one is riding a broomstick. At the stop Toesetter informed the peloton they’d have to neutralize the ride since someone from the M.I.S. (Minion Intelligence Service) had leaked some top secret intel that a nefarious individual had dumped a toilet on the road!! THAT’S RIGHT BUNKIE!! Porcelain shards all over the the place!! Thanks Toesetter for being intelligent!!
As of press time, the criminal still hadn’t been apprehended but is tops on the M.I.S. Most Wanted List. Our heroes bore down on the finish with Toesetter at the front pulling like a bullet train, Skittles hot on his wheel.
The Swede patiently biding his time in a brilliant tactical maneuver until he noticed Skittles check over his shoulder whence he took that opportunity to jump ahead in a blinding attack!! Skittles responded with an attack of his own, doubting he could catch up but keeping the hammer down anyway, because he wasn’t raised to be a quitter.
Eventually The Swede ran out of gas, and Skittles grabbed the win in a photo finish with a cast of thousands coming in behind them.
OH, THE HUGE MANATEE!!
No conversation could be heard over the deafening riotous roar of the Tifosi as our heroes made their parade down the Champs le Galesburg toward post race meeting at the Coffee Klutch. Gazelle Girl strolled in and, noting how few Minions showed up today (six), decided to buy coffee. Thanks Gazelle Girl! IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT??!!
Skittles
Thanks Skittles for that incredible write up!!!
You won't want to miss this weeks edition of the KK-TdG as Sharkma returns, hopefully for good, to the mighty Shark Minion Nation!!
In recognition of his absences, it has been declared "Shark Minion Anniversary Kit" Day!!!
This IS a great country!!!
So break out the anniversary jersey and if you have them, those fantastic anniversary bib shorts!!!
Saturday, July 23, 2022
"Shark Minion Anniversary Kit" Day!!!
Launch Time - 8:00 a.m. - SHARP!
BE THERE!
THE BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED IS BACK!!!!
MARK YOUR CALENDARS....NOW!!!
GET THOSE RSVP's IN.......NOW!!
Belo News
July 20, 2022
Well Shark Minions it is that time again!!!
All the information is in this attached poster for this years Bloody 'Ell 'Undred!!!
Speaking of the poster, what kind of warped people designed that! Answer? The same two who are hosting the bash!!! Oh, the humanity!!
This annual day of bloody mary's, deviled eggs, yummy bake goods from Yeti Boy and pizza and beer is upon us again!!! Who can resist this opportunity!!!
So mark you calendars NOW and get that RSVP into Gazelle Girl for the planning!!
Any biker who is a biker will be there!!
Well, Bunkie, what are you waiting for!!! Do it now before you forget!!!
Hope to see the Shark Nation in force for this fun filled day of debauchery!!!
Oh, the humanity!!! This IS a great country!!!
Riders joining the Shark Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Shark Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.
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