Thursday, August 19, 2021

ORIGINAL SHARK MINION JERSEY DAY DRAWS CROWD!

SKITTLES RETURNS FOR VICTORY!!

The mighty Shark Minion Nation ready to rock the roads!!!

CELEBRITY RIDER, THE DURANGO KID!!!

DURANGO KID IN HIS WIFE'S JERSEY?!?

OH, THE HUMANITY!!!

BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED THIS SATURDAY!!!

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT!?!

Belo New

August 14, 2021

Sharkman HAD to get in a photo!!!
(still shoots lousy selfies!!!)

Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke cool and clear over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, was mumbling something about having to wear arm warmers again! In a summer that may go down in history as the hotest on record, it seemed that he had been wearing his arm warmers and inordinate number of times for his Saturday rides!

Be that as it may, our hero was pretty excited because the President of the Mountian Chapter of the Shark Minion Nation, the Durango Kid was in town and would be riding with the Shark Minion Nation on the day! Additionally, he would be in his original Shark Minion Jersey, though after unpacking realized he had packed his wife Toni's jersey and would need to be wearing it instead of his own. The Durango Kid did want it officially recorded that he does not normally wear his wife's clothing, but when he does, it is always a Shark Minion Jersey!!!

Right on time, Yeti Boy with the Durango Kid in tow, pulled up to the Shark Cove and the three took off to met Reb and Fire on the way.

Celebrity Rider, the Durango Kid!
Decked out in Toni's Jersey!!!

They also picked up Rule 24 Guy as they approached the Eaton Plant and before heading down the hill to that thriving Metropolis know as Galesburg.

As they rode past the Klutch, they noticed Wishbone at the window, waving to them, espresso in hand, indicating he would be joining on soon!

The Nation started to pour in at the start and for the first time in a while, the number, after picking up some riders after the start, got to 19 Shark Minions.

Two riders showed up after the start photo! Snow White and Sasquatsh arrived late, adding to the numbers.

Many of the Nation were in their Orginal Shark Minion kit, giving the crowd a festive atmosphere as riders got ready for the start. 

After introducing the Celebrity Rider, the Durango Kid and the ensueing standing ovation, followed by several photos with fans and autographs, the Nation was ready to rock and the mighty Shark Minion Nation pulled out of the Station and headed downtown on the bike path.

As they passed the Klutch, the Hermster jumped on and the crowd moved ahead like a fine Swiss watch.

Reb in a T shirt, but did
have Shark Minion Bibs!!!

Skittles, Sasquatsh and Fire surrounded our intrepid hero and kept him safe at the front of the peloton until he bolted from the pack to open a pretty good gap to take his honorary first sprint in style!

After the first G Ave. crossing, the Nation got down to business and the pace picked up.

With the larger crowd, the climb up the col de Twin Lakes was very interesting. Some of the better climbers had trouble getting around the peloton to attack, giving some of the less accomplished climbers to hang on longer!

After the Rt. 89 crossing, the pace picked up with Skittles and Wildman doing most of the pulling. Riders took turns riding their wheels as the fast moving train traversed the Yorkville Church, Kellogg Korner, the Kountry Klub and on to the Rt. 43 sprint. In the Kountry Klub section, an impatient driver began to pass, crossing the line into on coming Shark Minion Nation and Yeti Boy shared that he had to dodge the errand vehicle as it crossed the yellow lines. 

Up the col de Norte and on to the Holly Rollers, Skittles was still doing alot of the pulling and the Nation was hanging on as the pace continued to rise.

Rule 24 Guy was back!!!

In the Holy Rollers, as the Nation began to climb the first hill, a heavey set, older male driver in a huge Lexus wagon with Georgia Plates got on his horn and wouldn't let up. He tried to pass, then began to pull into the peloton as riders had to scurry to the side of the road to avoid being hit while yelling for him to slow down and move over. After the hills were cleared, he took off immediatly and was not seen after. None the less, a bit scary and in Sharkman's 30+ years of Saturday rides, it was a first. 

The Nation was grateful no one got hurt and the Shark Minion Nation is to be commended for acting so responsively during the incident.

Of course, this ruined any attempt at the Food Stop Sprint and after a quick stop with a lot of "did you see that" and "what is wrong with people" comments, the ride continued. 

After a full stop at the Inlet the Shark Minion train moved on to the Digital Divide and actually was able to accomplish a very quick, safe crossing.

As the Nation circled the lake, some of the Shark Minions needed to drop off. Bissell Boy and Luke Skywalker had to drop off to head home and advised accordingly.

Brewman with his Shark
Minion kit!!!

Sharkman went up front with Gazelle Girl and they got the pace line going. This has become one of Sharkman's favorite parts of the ride. Particulary this year, where the Shark Minion Nation has done so well with the pace line. Sharkman describes the experience of beign in the pace line like "flying" when the Nation cranks up the speed in unison.

After Sharkman pulled off, Gazelle Girl and Skittles took over as the speed gradually began to climb. With the "Sweetheart of the Peloton" up front, there was no doubt of the outcome of this sprint.

Gazelle Girl broke from the front and went on to take her coveted GGG Spot Sprint to the cheers from her adoring fans! 

It was a victory for America!!!

Another fast crossing at the GGG Spot as the mighty Shark Minion Nation headed for the final assault for the crown!

Wildman and Sharkman went to the front with Sharkman hoping Wildman would take the speed up to spread out the group. However, Hermster came blowing by with a huge surge and that seemed to wake up the sleeping giant, Skittles, as he moved to cover the growing gap Hermster had created with a cast of thousands on their wheels.

The "Sweetheart of the Peloton"
showing off her kit!!!

Skittles had Rapture with him as he went ahead with a bunch of Minions in pursuit. 

As the fast moving Nation crested the final ascent and began the push to the finish, Reb shouted out to Sharkman to jump on and then promptly slowed down. Sharkman went around him as the peloton began to bunch up a bit as Skittles made his move to the front just behind Wildman and Rapture.

Skittles then made his move and  passed them to bore down the hill to open a large gap and take the finish. That is when Sharkman saw blood in the wate!

Sharkman watched as both Wildman and Rapture slumped as Skittle went by them and so the old Shark attacked, passing both to capture the second spot on the podium with Wildman retaining the third spot. Like a good Shark, who is getting a bit long in the tooth (shark tooth), our intrepid hero will take any win, any way, that he can!!!

It was a victory for America as the Shark Minions rode down the Champs le Galesburg to the cheers of all the tofosi, paparazzi, with woman and children throwing bouquets of flowers, wine and cheese before them!


Wait.....what?

Wildman was back in the Nation
and riding strong after a brief hiatus!!

Rule 24 Guy wanted to buy koffee and had asked Reb about it. Reb told him he had to race to the Klutch to be first to buy koffee! He also mentioned that is why so many of the Nation ride slowly to the Klutch!!!

But it was not to be this day as Yeti Boy took the sprint to the Klutch to throw down his credit card!

Thanks Yeti Boy and thanks for bringing the Durango Kid! It was great to have the Durango Kid back in the Nation after the year of Covid!!!

Is this a great country or what!!!

The Klutch was rocking, pictures were taken, autographs were obtained. The koffee continued to flow as the press interviewed the riders and the paparzzi shot photos.

It was another fantastic day in the Kingdom!

This week, the mighty Shark Minion Nation takes a break from the KK- TdG to ride the Bloody 'Ell 'Undred. 

Belo News will be there to report all that happens!! Oh, the humanty!!

Be there!!!

Snow White got a photo, as she 
missed the Start Photo!!



The joint was jumping!!!










Stroker was back in his 
Shark Minion Kit!

Skittles took the final sprint
AND fixed Sharkman's
bike!

Bissell Boy in his Shark
Minion Kit!

Wishbone after his morning
espresso!!!

Hoosier Boy was back and 
a week early on the Bloody
'Ell 'Undred Jersey!!































Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.

Thursday, August 12, 2021

SHARK MINIONS ROCK WITHOUT SHARKMAN!!!

SHARKMAN RETURNS THIS SATURDAY!!

The Might Sharkmanless Shark Minion Nation ready to rock!

ORIGINAL SHARK MINION JERSEY DAY THIS SATURDAY! 

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?!?

Belo News

Reporter: Bissell Boy

August 7, 2021

Galesburg, Mi. - With the Sharkman entertaining family, the Nation wondered who would show for the "Wear Any Jersey You Want" Day in his absence.

Luke Skywalker and Bissell Boy rolled in after putting in 90 minutes of work prior to the start as they both needed to pull off early.

There were a dozen Shark Minions ready to go at the start, including members of Team Athletic Mentors (TAM) making up 25% of the peloton!

Just as the Minions clicked in and rolled out, huge raindrops started to fall and Fire, Reb and Brewman quickly ducked under the nearest bush for cover and to stow cell phones. However, as soon as the rain started, it stopped and the group came back together as they headed north on 36th Street.

Per custom, Sharkman was awarded the first sprint and from there, the dynamic three from TAM took the tape at every intermediary sprint until the GGG Spot Sprint, which of course, Gazelle Girl ruled.

TAM, represented by Maid Marian, Cricket and The Captain (aka Terry is from the East Sid and perhaps a Virgin Minion) were on form and made the selection on every sprint. 

Toe Setter was in great form as well and in the hunt all day and Yeti Boy made a couple of breakaway moves for the sprint only to be reeled in by TAM.

As I needed to peel off after we came around the lake Gazelle Girl provided the following notes.

Thank you GG......

The final podium was awarded to TAM with Cricket and The Captain tied for 1st as the photo finish camera malfunctioned with 3rd place going to Maid Marian. In the “Girl Power” category.

Maid Marian was top of the podium as she nipped Gazelle Girl at the line with Fire on their heels.

It was another great day for the Nation, and we look forward to seeing everyone again Saturday.

Faithfully submitted, BB

Editors Note: Wow, sorry to have missed all the excitement!!! But the Sharkman will be back this Saturday and we hope to have a surprise "Celebrity Rider" on board!!! And a huge thanks to Bissel Boy for the scintillating write up and for Gazelle Girls assistance. You two are a dynamic writing team that needs to fill in more often!!! 

You won't want to miss this weeks edition when it is;

Saturday, August 14, 2021

"Original Shark Minion Jersey Day!!!"

Launch Time - 8:30 a.m. - SHARP!

In honor of our Celebrity Rider this week, let's show him our Shark Minion Colors!!!

Be there!!!


THE BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED IS BACK!

Belo News

August 10, 2021

Zyckmann Estate, Mi. - It's baaaack!

The Bloody 'Ell "Undred is back after a year off for Covid!!!

Actually, this will be the 8th Annual Bloody 'Ell 'Undred! Is this a great country or what!?!

100K of fun, pizza and beer, followed by a dip in Gull Lake and a chance to see Fabio's Muy bueno Estate!

All the information is in this very strange Bloody 'Ell 'Undred Poster, suitable for printing and posting on your living room wall! And yes, that is our own Toesetter, rocking it with whoever that sculputer guy is supposed to be!!! A story on the making of this poster may appear in a future issue of Belo News, but we digress......

Oh, the humanity!

This ride is 40K up to the Waldorf, followed by a 20K return after some beer and pizza!

Don't miss THE social event of the season and anyone who is anyone in cycling will want to be a part of this annual fun fest!

You must RSVP Gazelle Girl by email before August 18

It is all on the poster, so just look at where ever you hung it on your living room wall and then, RSVP NOW!



Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.

Wednesday, August 4, 2021

BISSELL KIT DAY HUGE SUCCESS!

RIDE BRINGS OUT THE CREATOR OF ALL THAT KIT!!!

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT!?!

The Nation was ready to rock!!!

EPIC BATTLE IN THE PELOTON!!!

VIRGIN MINION IN THE MIX!

SHARKMAN GONE AGAIN?!?

OH, THE HUMANITY!!!

AARP SPRINT WIN AND WHAT IS STRYKER GUY UP TO NEXT!!!

Belo News

July 31, 2021

Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke cool and dry over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, was getting his Bissell Kit arranged. After all, he had plenty of it! He had been aquiring the kit for many years thanks to the Bissell Boy connection and it had lasted many seasons. 

Virgin Shark Minion Lee!
Welcome to the mighty Shark
Minion Nation, Lee!

Our hero pondered whether he would be the only rider with it on, as it had been a long time since the Nation had been able to score cycling gear at those great, low costs and he knew Bissell Boy would not be riding.

As the Shark Garage Door slowly lifted, there was Yeti Boy, who was only able to ride over to the start, arriving just on time for launch at 7:30 a.m. - SHARP!

The two riders, Sharkman in arm warmers and Yeti Boy in a new, quite stunning, yellow cycling jacket, picked up Reb at the usual location, wearing a Team Beaver Cycling T shirt. Wait, .....what? ....Well, it wasn't exactly cycling gear, per se, but he is trying. He immediatly began complaining about the cold and Yeti suggested a long sleeve T shirt next time, to the big cyclist with little cycling gear.....

Without Fire in the mix, Sharkman took it up to a blistering pace of 16 mph before he could hear Reb complaining, "what's the rush?" from the back of the three riders.

At the Eaton Plant, Reb's boss Lee, jumped on! Welcome to the mighty Shark Minion Nation, Lee (Minion Name to be determined)! Despite the recommendation from Reb, the virgin Minion was welcomed into the Nation by Yeti Boy and the Sharkman hizzelf!

Reb, sporting a T shirt,
but it was a cycling T shirt!
(The Minion Name, Rule 24 Guy has been proposed for the Virgin Minion because he lives by this rule which reads; Speeds and distances shall always be referred to and calculated in kilometers. This includes while discussing cycling in the workplace with your non-cycling coworkers, serving to further mystify our sport in the web of their Neanderthalic congnative capabilities. As the confused expression spreads accross their unbrowed faces, casually mention your shaved legs. All of cycling's monuments are measured in the metric system and as such the English system in forbidden.......) What think ye, Shark Minions?

At the ride start, Sharkman was pleasantly surprised that A.) so many Shark Minions had been around long enough to have Bissell Kit and B. that so many Shark Minions actually read Belo News this week and knew it was Bissell Kit Day (win/win) and C. he learned that Maid Marian was the person who not only designed the Bissell Kit, but had managed the Team!!! 

Say what? A celebrity in our midst and unbeknownst to the Shark Nation??? Oh yes, Bunkie, you heard that right!!!

When Cricket and Maid Maryann rode in, the lovely Maid Marian had on a Bissell jersey. Being a fairly new Shark Minion, she was asked by our diminutive hero how she had come by the jersey when she stated, "I designed it!" and went on to share that she was with the team from the inception of Bissell taking it over! 

Small world, eh?!? Who knew?

Other Shark Minions began pouring in, like Brewman, fresh from his ride across Iowa at RAGBRAI! Way to go Brewman! You made the Nation proud!!!

Gazelle Girl came rolling in to shouts of "Gazelle Girl," looking quite fetching in her Bissell Kit hidden under a red wind vest sans her main squeeze and crowd favorite, Toesetter. Skittles rounded out the 10 starting riders as Yeti headed back before the photo. After introducing Lee (Rule 24?) to the Nation, Sharkman led the train out of the station towards the thriving metropolis of Galesburg as the start crowd gave up a huge cheer that could be heard throughout the Kalamazoo River Valley!

Yeti in his new cycling jacket!

Just as they launched, Dr. Dave and the legend known as Stryker Guy both jumped on in thier Bissell Kit as Sharkman thought to himself, "all is well in the realm!

With 12 riders in the mix, the Nation headed north, where Sharkman moved back in the peloton to press the flesh, give Lee the "rules of the mighty Minion Nation road" and catch up with some of his beloved Nation of Shark Minions, before moving forward behind his big lead out man, Skittles.

Skittles took the pace up and led our hero to the first sprint of the day, which he took doing 23.9 mph once again.

Sharkman took the offical count at the first G crossing as the fast moving train headed towards the col de Twin Lakes where Skittles and Crickett battled it out to the top and on to the sprint.

As is the usual for the ride, the pace continued past the Yorkville Church, through Kellogg Korner and on past the Kountry Klub, where Reb made a move to the front that was countered by Cricket, .........heck, let's let Reb tell it.......I won the 3rd sprint by first, riding close, but not on the yellow line, and proceeded to call out “car back” and using the opportunity to pull in front of the peloton cutting off Skittles and moving besides Cricket.   While Reb apologized to Cricket for the cheeky move, Cricket explained he hadn’t figured out what sprints we're competed openly or reserved for specific riders.  Reb politely explained to him that this sprint is usually reserved for the “lesser riders” before capturing the win by less than a bike length. Well played, Reb, well played......

Brewman was back!!!

As the "smoke'em if you gottem" stop, a few of the riders took comfort breaks before Dr. Dave led the Nation out on to Rt. 43 in the run up to the notorious col de Norte.

Skittle was in peak form as he pulled the train through the section leading to the Holy Rollers and continued to hold the pace up and over those damn short, steep rollers Sharkman hates so much and into the feed stop.

After the Inlet, where EVERYONE made a full and complete stop before being waved through the intersection by a kind driver, the Nation had a quick and safe crossing at the Digital Divide before the pace line formed up behind, you guessed, it, Skittles!!!

Skittles got the speed up to 23-24 mph and the rest of the Nation just held on. Actually, there was some concern about where Gazelle Girl was as the speed picked up, but right on cue, being led out by that legend known as Stryker Guy, she moved up to claim her coveted GGG Spot Sprint and all was right in America!!!

It was somewhere between the Food Stop and the Digital Divide that Rocketman again appeared, as if a ghost from previous rides. As the Nation crossed the GGG Spot, he and Crickett grabbed on to Skittles wheel as the Nation  moved for its assault on the final sprint of the day.

Cricket and Maid Marian! 
Maid Mairan in her Bissell Kit
that the designed!!!

Skittles again, put in a huge pull as Cricket feel back and bidded his time. At the top of the final ascent to the tape, Stryker Guy came forward shouting, something to the effect, "I'm taking us to the AARP Final Sprint!" or "Victory or Death from the Senior Circuit!" or words to that effect, and grabbed the lead......for a short time.

This seemed to motivate the young sprinter, Skittles to dig even deeper into his sprint bag and he then made his break for the finish with Rocketman and Sharkman and a cast of thousands on his wheel. Sharkman was pretty sure that Rocketman would jump on any move, and also knowing he could not officially place, as he had not done the entire ride, Sharkman grabbed on to his wheel like it was the last piece of bacon on the plate! MMMmmmmmbacon..........

But all along, Cricket had been laying in the weeds, waiting for just the right move and it was then that he came from the back like a missle, to take the tape, with Skittles letting up and Rocketman moving ahead of him. Sharkman actually got the third spot on the podium behind Skittles as Rocketman had not ridden the entire race!

It was a victory for America as the riders rode along the Champs le Galesburg to cheers from the paparazzi and tofosi along the route and as Stryker Guy moved ahead to buy the koffee!!!

The "Sweetheart of the Peloton"
making her appearance!!

Is this a great country or what!?? Thanks Stryker Guy! You not only lead the Senior Citizen onslaught, but bought koffee too!!! 

That's why the man is a legend!! He does it all!!

Sharkman was awarded the "Best of Bissell Kit Day" Award as he was decked out, head to toe, in complete Bissell Kit, including cycling cap for the post race celebration AND cycling gloves and socks! He was one, stunning Bissell Team Shark!!! 

Oh, the humanity.......

Even Andrew, back from his National Guard Basic Training, was decked out in his Shark Minon T and glad to have the Nation back at the Klutch!!!

It was a great day, topped off with Fire meeting Sharkman and Reb on the ride up the Eaton Hill to pull them both back to the Shark Cove! 

This IS a great country!!!

You won't want to miss this weeks edition of the KK-TdG, though Sharkman will be absent again, entertaining out of town guests for the weekend! Oh, the humanity......

Saturday, August 7, 2021

Strong man Skittles at the start!
He did some major pulls!

"Any Jersey You Want because Sharkman Won't Be There Day!!!"

Who knows, even Reb might have a jersey he could wear!!!

Launch Time - 8:30 a.m. - SHARP!


Even Andrew was rocking the Shark
Minion vibe!!! Welcome home, Andrew!
Just look at our hero in satorial splender!
Sharkman, easily took Bissell
Kit Day!


















The Klutch was rocking!

Maid Marian, Queen of Team Bissell!

The man of the hour!
The winner of the AARP Sprint!
And the buyer of koffee!
Thanks Styker Guy!!!













And speaking of Stryker Guy..........

STYKER GUY, THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND!

Belo News

Late Breaking News!

Our hero, Stryker Guy!
Is he truly contemplating a space launch?

July 31, 2021

Galesburg, Mi. - So, who is this man, this myth, this legend known simply as, Stryker Guy? 

What has he been up to of late, you might ask.... 

Belo News has launched an exhaustive, or should we say, exhausting, investigation into how this humble Shark Minion has come from those humble beginnings in the mighty Shark Minion Nation to become the legend of the peloton that he is today.

It not just about winning AARP Sprints and buying koffee. 

(O.K., where else can you find hard hitting, in-depth news like this? Belo News is your source for all your cycling information and this is probably a good time to point out that any similarity to the facts in any story in Belo News is purely coincidental.)

Starting his Shark Minion career while still working as THE Man at Stryker, he has been a regular on the pro Shark Minion Tour for years. Known around the peloton as a solid rider and a perennial sprinter, many are unaware of his true prowess on the bike.

Stryker Guy, you ROCK!!!
After his retirement and subsequent post retirement jobs, he has continued to rock the cycling world with his exploits on the bike! Riding numerous events like Iceman, Barry Roubaix, to name a few, but also riding border to border, Canada to Mexico on the Continental Divide, or riding around Lake Superior, or riding across America, which IS a great country! 

Now, he didn't do it with a Camel Back full of beer or no seat on his bike (that distinction would go to Fabio and THAT is a different story) but his riding has become the things of campfire stories that have become myth and legend in the mighty Shark Minion Nation and the Belo News has only mentioned a few of his feats.......

However, his most recent endevaour takes it to yet, another level!

Shark Minion legend, Stryker Guy decided to try sky diving!!! Yep, you heard that right. 

Our hero, Stryker Guy decided to sky dive. Pictured here, in this never before seen photograph, obtained from secret files deep in the resources of Sharkman past life files, this photo proves that Styker Guy IS the man, the myth, the legend!!!

Congratulations to that legend, hizzelf, Stryker Guy! You did the mighty Shark Minion Nation proud!!!

It is now rumored that Styker Guy is contemplating a space launch soon. 

Belo News will continue to be there to report any subsequent crazy ideas that this guys gets into!!!

We'd follow him anywhere! Mostly out of morbid curiosity, but we will be there to document it!!!

Great job Stryker Guy!!! 


THE BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED IS BACK!

Belo News

August 3, 2021

Zyckmann Estate, Mi. - It's baaaack!

The Bloody 'Ell "Undred is back after a year off for Covid!!!

Actually, this will be the 8th Annual Bloody 'Ell 'Undred! Is this a great country or what!?!

100K of fun, pizza and beer, followed by a dip in Gull Lake and a chance to see Fabio's Muy bueno Estate!

All the information is in this very strange Bloody 'Ell 'Undred Poster, suitable for printing and posting on your living room wall! And yes, that is our own Toesetter, rocking it with whoever that sculputer guy is supposed to be!!! A story on the making of this poster may appear in a future issue of Belo News, but we digress......

Oh, the humanity!

This ride is 40K up to the Waldorf, followed by a 20K return after some beer and pizza!

Don't miss THE social event of the season and anyone who is anyone in cycling will want to be a part of this annual fun fest!

You must RSVP Gazelle Girl by email before August 18

It is all on the poster, so just look at where ever you hung it on your living room wall and then, RSVP NOW!




Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.