MIGHTY MINION NATION RULES ICEMAN!

SHARKMAN SURVIVES!

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?

TOW TRUCK ON A NEW RIDE?


Belo News
November 5, 2011

Traverse City, Mi. – In what has been described as the best weather conditions in years, the Mighty Minion Nation ruled the trails at the 23rd running of the Iceman Cometh Challenge!

During the post race press conference our intrepid hero, the Sharkman summed it up by saying, “my Minions ruled the day! ….It was a victory for America!”

In the largest one day mountain bike race in the country, rumored to have been in excess of 4,700 riders this year, the Mighty Minion Nation rode for PR’s on the trails, and made a major dent in the supplied barrels of Bell’s finest, breaking all sorts of beer consumption records along the way!

Though not many of the Minion’s reported in (so if your name is not in the blog, don’t blame Belo News!), Belo News and their reporters spread out over the Timber Ridge Camp Ground to gather whatever information they could on the race and the Minions, so here we go!........

Sharkman, Bissell Boy and Zickman had planned out the race like the invasion of Normandy. Bissell Boy’s logistic genius was demonstrated as he scored lodging, VIP Parking, and even some free beer for the three freeloading riders!

But we digress! Let’s get on with race day!

As a sunny dawn broke over the bustling burg of Traverse City, the three Minions headed over to the VIP parking section of the Timber Ridge Campground and Iceman finish area to drop off Bissell Boy’s car and then headed over to Kalkaska in the Zickmobile for Zickman to get registered and to start the race.

It was a cool, crisp morning as the three riders warmed up at the start. Because this was Sharkman’s first time at Iceman and Zickman, though a wily veteran, had not ridden the race last year, neither was seeded and therefore were placed in the 61 and older age group (wave #33). At the start, the announcer congratulated the “older” riders on still riding at that age as Sharkman and Zickman looked at each other and thought that they didn’t really need to hear that kind of message as they pondered the trails ahead.

However, there were riders well into their 70’s riding the Iceman and Sharkman felt prepared and knew that Zickman was!

As wave #33 went off (with 80 riders in each wave), Zickman shot to the front faster than a dog on a meat wagon and was the first rider to dive into the single track hole right after the ride on city streets through Kalkaska. Sharkman never saw the speedy Zickman again until the end of the race! It was like he was shot out of a gun!

The first part of the ride went very well and Sharkman was feeling good until he got to the first section of single track and a group of riders got backed up to a complete stop!

Sharkman got caught in that pocket of riders longer than the condom in his high school wallet! It seemed like “forever” before the riders got moving and when they finally did, it was at a snails pace as they winded their way between trees on a single track that did not allow for any passing.

As the trail went back and forth between dual and single track, riders began spreading out, and Sharkman began to pass people who had started in earlier waves.

Half way through the ride, Sharkman started thinking that the Iceman might be easier than originally billed. But he had been warned of what lay ahead and he knew he had to conserve some of that Shark energy for the final hills!

Hoosier Boy, sporting his lime green Apple Jacks jersey, flew by our hero with about 23k to go and never looked back! He seemed to be flying as Sharkman watched him dancing on his pedals, headed up the next hill like a fly on a wall not to be seen again.

Sharkman was feeling good and was handling the hills well and only had to walk two of them when riders in front of him went down and stopped him.

What Sharkman found amazing was the variety of riders taking on the Iceman! Old, young, big, small, men, women,….. one rider who looked to be in his 30’s was overweight AND had his seat so low it looked like his knees would hit him in the chin on every pedal stroke. People dressed like Nanook of the North and riders in short sleeves and shorts!

But on they rode! Tandems riders, seemingly flying up hills! It was simply amazing!

Because of the great weather, the sand did not seem to be posing any special problems and Sharkman was really feeling strong as he approached the half way mark and followed clear lines through the troublesome sand. Our hero was holding back for the dreaded end of the route and the hills and sand that everyone had warned him about.

As the kilometer markers ticked down, Sharkman started to feel like he was going to make the three hour goal he had set for himself. As the riders got closer to the finish, the noise of cow bells, the voice of the finishing announcer and the milling shouts of the crowds began to fill the air along with the occasional curse of a rider fighting to stay on the pedals up the ever increasing number of hills!

In what certainly seemed to be a sadistic twist, the race organizers brought the riders into shoots that took them close to the finish and then back out and down a very technical single track with a hairpin turn that knocked most of the riders down and anyone following them, at least this was Sharkman’s fate! After a brief interlude with hitting the ground, our hero was back up and riding, only to face what he thought was the steepest, but thankfully short, hill of the day!

Though he is not sure he would have made it to the top on his own power, he was thankfully stopped by the rider ahead of him and had to walk the last few feet to the top.

Remounting, he was off and able to pass a few more riders as he headed to the finish line with the sound of screaming spectators and already finished Minions ringing, in his ears!

Bissell Boy, Iceman, Brewman and Mrs. Brewman and a few Team Taylor riders were all waiting in the finishing area, Bell’s brews in hand, to congratulate the very happy to be alive Sharkman! His first reaction was to check his iPhone Bike App for his time and was greatly disappointed to read the time of 3:14, only to realize he had turned it on before the start and the actual ride time was 2:40!

YES, he “CRUSHED” the three hour time he’d set for himself and AND, more importantly, he survived!

It certainly was a victory for America!

After a quick trip to the car to put on some dry cloths and a stop at one of the food tents for Bissell Boy to spring for some totally awesome Mac & Cheese, our hero began to make the rounds to sign autographs and schmooze with his adoring fans and Minions.

In addition to Mr. and Mrs. Brewman, they rounded up Zickman and found Gazelle Girl and her tandem partner, Richard Neumann (who actually built the Sharkman’s Litespeed steed!). Amazingly, they had a time of 2:17! Whoa, is Gazelle Girl a stud or what?!

Cleary, Mr. Nicey, and a number of the Team Taylor riders were not only in attendance and rode hard, but also had a campsite complete with cold beer, burgers and brats! These Team Taylor guys know how to rock!

Danimal, Chumbly and M.C. Hammer were also in attendance and Chumbly was handing out cans of PBR like Halloween candy! Love ya, Chumbly! Haven’t had a PBR in years!

Don Chic was there walking one of his kids mountain bikes as his twin sons had done the Slush Cup while he was doing the Iceman. A family of Minion riders!

Falcon reportedly had a great race (Belo News didn’t see him), and Wrongway reported in that he was doing great on his SINGLE speed and was in the lead group at mile 22 and leading at 23 when he started to hit the wall. Wrongway then said he got light headed and had to pull off the bike for a bit at mile 24. Amazingly, he still finished in 2:08! Though he was disappointed, he made the Nation proud! What a Minion!

(The Mighty Minion Nation should be aware that Belo News offers a program for psychological counseling for those who do this ride on a tandem or a single speed.)

What is the matter with those people?

After all the visiting, drinking and sponging food and beer off of anyone who would give it away, Bissell Boy, Zickman and Sharkman headed over to the Bissell Team tent to watch the Pro’s finish and get a free cow bell. Yep, FREE cow bells! This just keeps getting better!

Bissell had two team riders taking part in the race and one of them, Eric Young, is the current 2011 U.S. Crit Champion, but even more important for Sharkman, Eric is the 2009/2010/2011 Little Five Champion riding for the Cutters at Indiana University! Sharkman’s Daughter Nicole was the 1999 Champ riding for Theta!

As our three riders watched the finish, ringing cow bells and drinking beer, Chumbly, M.C. Hammer and Danimal joined in the fun and Chumbly handed out some more PBR. You gotta love this guy!

As the day wound down (about 5 p.m.), our three minions headed back to the car to drive Zickman back to his car so he could drive back home, while Bissell Boy and Sharkman headed to their downtown Traverse City digs for dinner and later, attended the Iceman Party at the “Loading Dock Bar” along with Team Bissell. Interestingly, when the Bell’s rep found out that Bissell Boy’s company, Employment Group is a co-sponsor for Bissell he started handing out free beer! This is, indeed, a great Country! Can it get any better?

The mountain bike vibe at Timber Ridge, the pre and post race festivities, the entire experience for the Iceman can only be described as “electric.” The flowing Bell’s beer (and PBR), the laughs and hitting all the vendor tents, finding other riders and hearing their race stories, ringing cow bells and cheering riders on, are all a part of this incredible experience!

Sharkman was quoted as saying, “Next Year!”

Everyone needs to experience this incredible race!

For more on the race, watch this video and see if you don’t want to start training for 2012!

http://www.cyclingdirt.org/coverage/240413-ICEMAN-Cometh-Challenge-2011/video/513606-The-Iceman-Experience-2011-Iceman-Cometh-Challenge


TOW TRUCK ON A NEW RIDE?

YES, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT!

Belo News
November 5, 2011

Battle Creek, Mi. – As many of our readers are aware, the infamous Tow Truck, made infamous for his awesome feats of strength and lengthy pulls at the front the peloton, was taken out of the season prematurely this year, sidelined with a rotor cuff injury and subsequent surgery after a mountain bike crash at Ft. Custer. This perennial “horse” was missed at the end of each ride as he stretched the peloton out with his “pulls” for safer finishes. Minions may remember that the Belo News reported that he had begun working out on a trainer, even with his “broken wing!”

How could this guy get any faster or stronger you ask?

Well, in yet another in-depth, hard hitting investigative report, Belo News has learned that the irascible rider, the Tow Truck, has made a major acquisition and purchased this little beauty you see in the accompanying photo! Yes, Tow Truck is now the owner of this very sweet Trek Madone from Team Active! All we can say here at Belo News is, “there ought to be a law against this guy getting a faster ride!”

Tow Truck will be riding the Minions off his wheel next year!

And to that we here at Belo News say, “Oh, the Humanity!”

CLASSIFIED

A couple of weeks ago, Wrongway asked that we post the attached link, advertising some of his “stuff” that he has up for sale. We apologize for the delay in getting this posted, but we’ve heard some of the stuff and the bikes are still available. So, here you go if you looking for cool stuff and/or BIKES!

“I'm selling a bunch of stuff. You mentioned posting it on the blog. A minion classifieds might be something of interest...not sure though. Here's my post on MMBA if you want to link to it:http://mmba.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=107087

AND FINALLY…….

It has been a great season!

This will be the last Belo News post for a while, though there may be some winter riding/skiing that takes place before Opening Day next March with accompanying story. Belo News wants to thank the Mighty Minion Nation, Luann and Jaime at the Klutch and all those who make Western Michigan the cycling capital of the world as we Minions know it!

Minions Rock!

Have a great holiday season and see you all next year!