SHARKMAN BEATS THE IRON HORSE!

A STORY OF SPILLS, THRILLS, FAMILY BETRAYAL!

YETI BOY, MINIONS, CONQUER THE MOUNTAINS!

THE GREAT MOULTINI, DURANGO KID AND MORE!



Belo News

Durango, CO.

May 29, 2010

Durango, CO. – A story of conquering a steam engine, mountains, crashes and family betrayal unfolded at the 2010 Iron Horse Race in this great mountain town this day!

Come with us as we weave this story of our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, along with Minions Yeti Boy, the Great Moultini (his Santa Fe, NM-based son-in-law) and the Chairman of the Durango Minions West Chapter, the Durango Kid (Jim Abbey, Yeti Boy’s brother-in-law)!

Our story begins when our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, awakes to the sound of the Animas River as the early morning light breaks on the bedroom window of the beautiful home of the Durango Kid and his lovely bride, Toni.

The Sharkman had been training months for this day. And now it was here: Time for the Iron Horse Race from Durango to Silverton: 50 miles across two mountain passes, with 6,700 feet of total climbing and a top elevation 10,900 ft! Knee busting climbs and terrifying, white knuckle descents! Is this a great country or what? Who thinks this stuff up?

All the arrangements had been made by the Sharkman’s hosts, the Durango Kid and the lovely Toni. Their beautiful mountain home, unbelievable cuisine, and fantastic hospitality made our Minions rested and prepared for the day’s knee busting climbs and terrifying descents.

Toni left at 7:00 A.M. with food and adult beverages as the roads to Silverton closed early for the race. At 7:30 A.M. the Minions rode the 5 miles to the start in fantastic weather, light breeze, high 40s, and full sun. They actually began to shed jackets on the way to the start.

1,430 riders out of the 1,500 who entered were ready to click in and race the Iron Horse train. As they approached the start, the Iron Horse whistle could be heard in the station, as if to challenge the riders at the start. The pro/race division of the event had launched out at 7:30 A.M. while the “tour” division, which our Minions were a part of, was scheduled to leave with the train.

As scheduled, at 8:15 A.M. the Iron Horse whistle blew, a puff of smoke bellowed from its stack and the race officially began.

With 1,430 riders, the start was crowded and fast! The train chugged along, at times just a few yards to the right from the mass of riders, as the Minions tried to avoid the inevitable hiccups of a mass start. Police cars lead the peloton out of town as the Sharkman, Moultini, Durango Kid and Yeti Boy were cruising. But it was not long before the group lost contact with Yeti Boy. His host and brother-in-law, the Durango Kid, stated he would go back to check on Yeti and the Sharkman and GM would not see the two Minions again until the end of this phenomenal odyssey.

The first part of the course was mostly flat, with a few rolling hills. Sharkman and Moultini jumped on to several different pace lines, charging towards the first climb, at times hitting speeds of 25-28 mph. At 14 miles, Sharkman noticed his average speed at 22.1!

Sharkman and Moultini were feeling pretty good about then, thinking that it was only a 36 mile race at this point! Everything was going according to plan. Initially, the Sharkman told himself he would be happy with just finishing, but in the back of our hero’s head was the thought that he wanted to beat the train.

Then, realization hit as the first climb began!

The first climb, the Shalona Hill, was a steady, unrelenting, and about 10 miles long. The small peloton they had been a part of splintered. Sharkman and Moultini traded pulls as the speeds dropped dramatically to 6-7 mph.

After the long stomp up the first hill ended, the Sharkman was feeling pretty good, thinking it was now only a 25 mile race. He rolled across an undulating part of the course known as Animas flats, when, just before the first major climb, up to Coal Bank Pass, began, a rider next to the Sharkman mentioned that the “real race” began at the hairpin just after Purgatory!

Purgatory? Purgatory? Sharkman did not like the sound of “Purgatory!” [Ed’s note: Purgatory is now officially called Durango Mountain Resort, but locals still refer to it by its old name.]

But then, just as predicted, as the peloton moved past the resort and the hairpin turn, an enormous climb beckoned our mighty hero ahead!

Game on! The real race had just begun.

Shorter but steeper than the first climb--Coal Bank Pass has an average grade of 6.7%--this was a true mountain stage!

It was during this climb that Sharkman began to lose contact with the Great Moultini. This was like the col de Twin Lakes, only never ending and much steeper! It was then that the Sharkman shouted out to the Great Moultini, “Don’t wait for me! Someone in the family has to beat the train!”

The Sharkman knew he still had a shot, albeit maybe a long one, at beating the machine. But he was losing time now, there was still another major pass after this one, and the thought of falling behind was working its way into the Sharkman’s psyche. Sharkman’s compact needed one more gear, as he continued to will his shark legs to keep pumping up the grade.

When his back began to ache, he would drop a couple of gears and stand in the pedals. He quickly learned he could pick up the pace, and caught up to and leapfrogged just ahead of Moultini. A band and woman on impossibly high stilts signified they were close to the top.

As Sharkman and Moultini crested the pass, they pulled over to quickly top off their water bottles at the aid station, before the race’s first major descent! Sharkman felt like a rocket as he blasted down the pass. At times, the wind would catch his wheels and push him sideways, scaring the hell out of our normally fearless hero! Riders dropped like rocks down the pass trying to make up the lost time on the climb. Sharkman hit speeds of 40 mph, the smell of his brake pads wafting up his shark snout, as other riders still passed by him despite what he thought was a break neck speed!

After the screaming, TK-mile descent, there were only 11 or so miles to go, four up and then seven back down to Silverton, the real possibility of beating the train played on our hero’s mind!

Then the final, but thankfully slightly shorter climb beckoned just ahead. The feared Molas Pass called the riders to a height of 10,900 ft in just over 4 miles of climb!

As Molas began to kick up gradually, and the fate of Yeti Boy and the Durango Kid still unknown, Sharkman and Moultini made their assault on the last climb. Sharkman down-shifted and thought he felt his chain break. He was relieved to see that he had only thrown his chain to the inside. As he pulled over to the side of the road, he shouted out to his son-in-law, “I threw my chain!”

It was then that the incident that has since become to be known as the “family betrayal” took place. The Great Moultini looked back as if to say, “Sharkman? Sharkman who?” He slowed down a bit to allow the Sharkman to catch back up. But, just a few moments later, he overheard two riders next to him talking to each other. One made the comment that it was going to be close: “if we’re gonna beat the train, we need to pick it up!” Moultini panicked. This was it, the final climb, and there was still a chance to beat the steam engine. He looked back for the Sharkman, but couldn’t see him.

Feeling conflicted, but remembering what the Sharkman had said earlier—“someone in the family has to beat the train!”--the Sharkman’s own son- in-law left Sharkman to fend for himself. [Ed’s note: This is true. I felt bad about it, but rationalized it this way: he told me one of us had to beat it, and maybe chasing me would spur him on to ride faster. Truthfully, I just REALLY wanted to beat the frickin’ train.]

Meanwhile, the Sharkman was able to quickly get his chain back on, but the Great Moultini was no where to be seen! Had our hero lost his bid to beat the train? No way! After all , he is our Hero, right?

Sharkman made the final climb through a hairpin turn with a head wind, only to turn the corner and look hundreds of feet below to see the City of Silverton! Seven miles of mountain switch back descent to go and all the Sharkman could think of were two things. Would he survive? And if he did, would he beat the frickin’ train? According to his calculations, if the train was on time, he wasn’t going to do it. But several riders had mentioned that it often runs a few minutes late. There was a chance and the Sharkman tucked into his bike.

The side wind was ferocious as our hero dropped like a stone to the City below!

Sharkman’s arms and shoulders began to ache as he rode the drops and frequently squeezed the brake levers as the wind pushed him around the road. It sure was more difficult to control a mountain descent than it looked on TV at the Tour de France!

On the final descent into Silverton, Sharkman looked to his right and saw the Iron Horse moving up the valley, smoke spewing, whistle blowing! Our hero now knew he would narrowly beat the Iron Horse Train!

As he rode down Main Street in Silverton, the fans began shouting, “Beat the Train, beat the Train!”

To the chants of his many fans, Sharkman hit 23 mph hour as he now knew he had beaten the Iron Horse!

As he passed the finish and made it through the final shoot, he found the Great Moultini waiting for him with a big smile on his face! “We beat the fricken’ Train!” was all that could be heard from the two intrepid riders! [Ed’s note: This is true, too. I still can’t believe it. While it was relatively calm when I finished, just a few minutes earlier, the crowd erupted as the train pulled into town. Everyone was chanting; it was chaotic. I saw Sharkman finish, dismount, and as we celebrated his photo finish, the train blew its final whistle.]

As the two tired and hungry Minions worked their way to pick up their T Shirts, Yeti Boy came up behind them! He had come in either with the train or just behind it. [Ed’s note: Yeti Boy is a force of a nature. I still can’t believe how strong he is.]

Yeti Boy then told the incredible story of how he and the Durango Kid were motoring just behind Sharkman at the start when at about the 3-4 mile point a rider went down and a major pile up occurred.

While Yeti Boy was able to maneuver into a ditch to avoid crashing, the Durango Kid had to “bunny hop” over a downed rider and ended up crashing, going down hard, and injuring both his hand and hip. Yeti Boy, being the good brother-in-law and Minion that he is, stayed with the Kid, (well, for a while anyway, after all, someone in their family had to beat the train, even though the Durango Kid is a veteran of the Iron Horse and had beaten the train before) which delayed them some 15 minutes or so.

Manning up big time, the Durango Kid remounted and with Yeti Boy at his side, took off to catch the peloton! Somewhere along the line, though it is suspected it occurred when Yeti Boy stopped to use a port-a-john, the two got separated and did not see each other until the finish.

Moments later, the Durango Kid arrived! Incredibly, both Yeti Boy and the Durango Kid had been delayed by crashes and a port-a-john stop, yet nearly beat the train! Are these Minions studs or what? Nothing stops a Minion! Well, maybe a port-a-john…….

It was a victory for Miniondom!

The intrepid Mighty Minion Nation then collected their Iron Horse T Shirts and went on to find the Team Toni car, where they changed clothes and indulged in beer and the most delicious sandwiches they’d ever tasted!

The partying and the stories then began in earnest! Actually, there was no shutting up the Minions for the next two days and Toni is to be credited for her patience in listening to the ever increasing stories of the epic ride! (Actually, they still haven’t stopped talking about this event!) [Ed’s note: Guilty as charged. The Sharkman, for his part, still hasn’t taken off his Iron Horse t-shirt, while I’m calling up old friends I haven’t spoken to in years, saying things like: “How are the wife and kids? Did I tell you I beat the train this weekend?”]

Final statistics - 13.9 mph average speed (recorded by Sharkman), 6,700 ft. of climb, 10,900 ft. top mountain pass height, one crash, one port-a-john stop, 41.1 mph max speed (recorded by Yeti Boy) unknown number of sandwiches and beers consumed and unbound enthusiasm released. Priceless!

At the Press Conference the questions centered around the epic ride of the Durango Kid, surviving crashes and gutting out 47 miles of pain while Yeti Boy shared his secrets for slow port-a-john stops.

In celebration of the event, this Saturday’s ride has been declared “Iron Horse Jersey” Day! Come on out and see the Iron Horse Jersey’s proudly worn by these mountain veterans!

You won’t want to miss the next ride to hear all the stories of the Iron Horse from the Sharkman and Yeti boy themselves!

Launch time is being moved up to 8:00 A.M. with the warmer weather.

8:00 A.M. Launch Time – SHARP!

Be there!