GAZELLE GIRL SWEEPS ALL THE SPRINTS!

Real Minion(s) Ride!

Digital Divide?


Belo News
Galesburg, Mi.
March 13, 2010

Galesburg, Mi. - A little cold weather doesn't stop the Minions….or does it? In a Belo News exclusive, it was learned that only one Mighty Minion braved the elements last Saturday to ride to victory! Who was this Mighty Minion you ask? None other than our own intrepid hero, Gazelle Girl. Not only did she sweep all the sprints and take the finish going away, she encountered adventure along the way!

Please read on as our intrepid hero, Gazelle Girl's story unfolds in her own words;

THE DIGITAL DIVIDE

Galesburg, Mi. - With everyone who is anyone a no show for this past Saturday’s KKTDG, I struck out on my own after searching the Galesburg Middle School parking lot for even one red nosed, Lycra-clad bike buddy. Not a soul. And what’s wrong with today? Sure, there’s a nip in the air and something occasionally dropping out of the sky to make dark dots here and there on my jacket, but really, it’s not too bad out.

So off I went. The TDG is my favorite solo ride route anyway, so it was a pretty ordinary ride, albeit a bit earlier in the day than usual. It took a while for the fingers to warm, but eventually I was quite comfortable.

Just after passing the Rt. 89 crossing and beginning to fantasize about the formation of the perfect (?) KKTDG paceline running down 37th St, I happened to notice a small rectangular item lying on the right side of the road. I flipped around and plucked up the contraption.

My find, a cell phone, was relatively unscathed for being in such a precarious place. I pushed a green button and the screen lit up telling me there were three messages awaiting the ears of someone I was now determined to hunt down and make very happy. I shoved the little orphan into my pocket and enjoyed a beautiful tailwind back to my house.

Once inside and sipping on a poor stand in for LuAnn’s brew, I set to finding the phone’s owner and discovering how it came to be on our ride route.

At this point, I must admit that I don’t own a cell phone. Never have. When people discover this tidbit about me there are typically two reactions. “What? How do you do it?” And “Good for you!” Both reactions make me wonder what good or bad thing I am missing. All I know is that I’ve held out for so long that I’m now operating on two motivators. One is to prove a point. “See, a human being CAN live life without being ‘connected’ 24/7!” The other is that I don’t want to take all the crap I’ll get from my friends who will interpret my joining the cell phone fray as “caving in.” I’ll no longer be able to complain about the rudeness of people stopping mid sentence in a conversation with me to take a call from their 14-year-old who can’t locate the milk. No more sneering at the owner of the blaring voice in the ethnic food isle begging for vital information: “But what kind of black beans?” (Beans... that are black. What part don’t you get?)

So, as you now understand, I’m no pro at using the keyboard (is it even called a keyboard?) on these things. I pushed a few buttons whose icons I felt might bring me to where I wanted to be. Ah ha! The address book. Aaron. Abraham. Adam. Aiden. Alan. Amy. Anton. April. Ariel. Aster. The list went on and on. There were well over 100 names and numbers. Some are funny. Flatbill. Hacksaw. Mexican Hoe. (Yes, “hoe,” like the gardening implement.) Regurgitater. Spot Face. T-paper. There are several Coach So-and-So’s. A few Mr. Blank’s and Mrs. Blank’s. And, of course, a Momma.

I poked around a bit more to see if I could find any definitive info. Huh? Then decided to call Momma in hopes that I could trust her to get a message to the phone owner, as I just didn’t trust Ms. Hoe or Mr. Flatbill with this important task.

Well, dammit. Now I can’t get back to the address book. I start pushing this button and that. ZACH shows up on the screen. (By the way, based on the names I’ve scrolled through, I’ve surmised this phone is owned by someone born within the last 20 years.)

I push the button I think will dial this Zach chap. I hear ringing. I hear someone (Zach?!) say, “Hullo?”

“Hello! Is this Zach?” And in true Millennial politeness Zach (?!) demands, “Who’s this?” I say, “My name is Gazelle Girl.” (Not really. I really didn’t say Gazelle Girl. How weird would that be?) “My name is Joan. I found this phone that I’m calling you from and I’m trying to find the owner.” Zach pauses for a few seconds. Wheels turning. Wheels turning. “Oh, yeah. Um... Uh... Yeah. He’s right here.”

NO BLEEPIN’ WAY!!

“Hullo?” It’s the guy. The guy that lost the phone. Of all the.... daaaaaang.

His name is Bill. That’s my daddy’s name. Sharkman, too! I tell Bill where I live. Give him the easy instructions about the stop sign and its proximity to the driveway. Give him the address. Tell him it’s printed in white numbers on a green sign right on the mailbox at the entrance to the driveway.

Twenty minutes later my phone (the one that plugs into the wall... remember those?) rings. “Hi. It’s Bill. Do you have a gray trailer next to your garage?” “Yep.” “Okay. We’re here.”

White numbers... on a green sign. What part don’t you get? (Thank goodness for the mighty cell phone!)

Oh.... and how Bill’s phone came to be at the Rt 89 crossing? He absentmindedly laid it atop his father’s car after playing basketball at the G-A Intermediate School (R.I.P.) in Augusta. Wow. What a ride!

NICE GOING GAZELLE GIRL!

New Name for the Rt. 89 Crossing!

When Gazelle Girl submitted her moving story to Belo News, she asked if there was a name for the Route 89 crossing and as many a Minion knows, most of the hot spots on the course have names that evoke images of pain, speed, suffering or all of the above. Names like the Cul de Twin Lakes, Cul de No Name, Kellogg Korner, Cul de Norte, Bible Conference Hills, the Inlet, G Ave. Crossing, etc. However, a name other than the boring Rt. 89 crossing, did not exist. But now that has been remedied because of Gazelle Girls dedication to doing right and will go down in cycling history with all the great course sites.

Let it be known that here to fore, that the Rt. 89 crossing will be known as the "Digital Divide!"

Saturday's Ride - Time Change! - 9:30 A.M.

The weather is looking good for this Saturday! So the Cycling Commissioner has moved the start time to 9:30 A.M. - Sharp! Be there!

What will we find this week? Hell if we know, and you won't either, unless you show up to ride!

Be There!