Wednesday, August 28, 2013

He'ssssss back! Oh, the humanity!
THE SHARKMAN RETURNETH!

WHAT HAPPENED LAST SATURDAY?

WAS THERE A THURSDAY NIGHT RIDE!

LABOR DAY WEEKEND BEER JERSEY RIDE!


Belo News
August 28, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - Joy will soon return to that field of dreams the Nation affectionately knows as the Koffee Klutch Tour de Gull this next weekend as their long lost Patron, the Sharkman, returns to the peloton!  After his longest absence since beginning the "official" KK-TdG 8 years ago, our hero has been present for most of the rides and only occasionally missed two weeks in a row.  But with his absence the past THREE weeks, the Nation has cried out, "Where the hell is Sharkman!" and those cries have been heard!

This Saturday, the Sharkman returns for Beer Jersey Day as our Nation celebrates Labor Day, the traditional close of summer!  The Nation will honor this holiday by downing their favorite "Beer Jerseys" for the Saturday ride, and the Bloody 'Ell 'Undred jerseys qualify for the day!  So put on those jersey's and saddle up to help the old Shark celebrate his return to his beloved Nation!

This Saturday, August 31, 2013

BEER JERSEY/BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED JERSEY DAY!

Don't miss this ride as it is hoped to be a banner turn out!

Launch Time - 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!  

BE THERE!

SPEAKING OF THOSE JERSEYS!

Belo News
August 28, 2013

Galesburg, Mi. - Speaking of those fantastic Bloody 'Ell 'Undred jersey's, if you missed out on ordering them, Gazelle Girl is taking new orders for them!  The sizing chart is attached to the Update email and you can still order them by contacting Gazelle Girl, ASAP! 

Orders are due to Gazelle Girl (joan.o@comcast.net / 665-4555) by September 9. Sizing chart with critical info attached.

Don't miss out on this opportunity for a second time, Bunkie!  Get to your email NOW!


WHAT HAPPENED LAST SATURDAY?

ZICKMAN RULED, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED!

NEW MINION IN THE NATION!

Belo News
August 24, 2013

Galesburg, Mi. - Fortunately, Ace Reporter Gazelle Girl reported in with the following update on last weeks ride!


Greetings Sharkman -

I hope your latest adventure was divine.

Welcome to Miller Draft!
I don't have a lot to report about Saturday's ride. It was very pleasant! About a baker's dozen on hand.

The best part was that - as best I can remember - the powerful Zickman claimed EVERY sprint but two. In a grand show of respect he GAVE Gazelle Girl the GGG Spot Sprint, even though at the Digital Divide she verbally turned it over to him in order to enable him to continue his amazing winning streak. B-Rod took the coveted final sprint by a fingernail. (Sorry, can't recall who he was battling it out with.)

Thank you, Sharkman. Hope to see you - at last - this Saturday!
GG

Kia Pet also reported in that the Nation had a Virgin Minion in the mix. Scott Miller (aka Miller Draft)
joined Kia Pet, Nick Head, Novverr & Karnes, riding over from Portage!  Welcome to the mighty Minion Nation, Miller Draft!



WHAT HAPPENED TO THE THURSDAY NIGHT CHAIN GANG RIDE?

Belo News
August 27, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - Though the old Shark has been missing for most of the Tuesday Night Chain Gang Rides, the ride has gone on!  Last week, when the Shark was in town, he and Rainman took on the course only to have Rainman flat in the final leg without his spare tube! Oh, the humanity!  Sharkman's extra tube stem was too short and Tardette had to be called to the rescue.  This week, Rainman thought he might be riding alone but the Legendary Tow Truck showed up to motor him around the course.  Here is Ace Reporter Rainman's report!


Sharkman,

Minion Nation didn't disappoint on the Tuesday evening Chain Gang ride!  Just when Rainman thought he would ride solo, All Black stepped up to toe the line.  Is this a great country or what?!

All Black and Rainman casually headed west on River Road when they were met by none other than the world famous Tow Truck!  The trio headed into Augusta, slowed to sign a few autographs for die-hard fans, then All Black peeled off to head home and Tow Truck and Rainman continued the course to attack G Ave with vigor.  With a bit of foreshadowing in Rainman's email about bringing a spare tube, Rainman needed it on the second set of hills on G after he experience a puncture (for the second Tuesday in a row), but this time due to the fresh (and SHARP) chip-and-seal.  Our Jr. Hero changed the flat in no-time, despite the sticky sweat dripping in his eyes on the 90 degree day, and the duo were back on the road swapping pulling positions on the lead-into the Minion Finish.

Average speed on the loop from/to Augusta was monitored north of 22mph with periods of 26mph with a bit of a tail wind heading back east.  Oh the humanity, that Tow Truck is fast!!!

Rainman said 'au revoir' to the Tow Truck at the Shell Station in Augusta and finished the ride solo for an 'unofficial' 20 mph average* for the day.  Overall,  a great conclusion as the 'official' Tuesday evening ride winds-down for the year.

Rainman will likely try one last 'go' next week should he not have class on Tuesdayevening starting up after Labor Day.

SO, next week (maybe)...

5:30 (SHARP) Launch for H.Q. upper deck parking lot.


*results didn't officially make the record book since Rainman ended the ride solo and two Minions need to cross the line for the an official time-stamp.

RM

BREWMAN REPORTS IN FROM CYCLE GREATER YELLOWSTONE!
Brewman at the top of Beartooth Pass!  11,000 ft. up!

Belo News
August 26, 2013

Yellow Stone National Park - Brewman has been out west again, enjoying the western mountains and climbing like a fly on the wall.  He reported in this week on his latest escapedes!

Sharkman,  

I just completed a week long ride called Cycle Greater Yellowstone. One of the highlights was riding up Beartooth Pass, 11,000 feet elevation. The tour had 750 riders. It was the first year and was modeled after Cycle Oregon. The entire event was very well organized with awesome support, communities, people and riding! Check out the website:


Oh and did I mention awesome regional beer wine at camp each evening.

Brewman


Wednesday, August 21, 2013

BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED HUGE SUCCESS!
Bloody 'Ell 'Undred Nation!

OH, THE HUMANITY!

Belo News Exclusive
August 17, 2013

Zickman Estate, Mi. - 
As dawn broke over the Triple Nasty Rancho the only thing louder than the screaming alarm clock was the sound of Gazelle Girl crying out “BLOODY ‘ELL!” as she leapt out of bed. This was the only encouragement Toe Setter needed to get his Saturday morning started earlier than usual, and soon the pair was washing down raisin bagels with steaming koffee whilst smearing on sunscreen and walking the dog. Do these two know how to multi-task or what?

Having already dropped off the party supplies and a vehicle at Zickman’s the previous evening, the

The entire Bloody 'Ell 'Undred cast!
duo donned their handsome BEU jerseys and set off on the gradual climb up to Zickman’s abode. (Oh, yes, they donned some bike shorts, too. C’mon. It’s not THAT great a country.)

Party Planners Gazelle Girl and Zickman with his brother, Tom Slick!
Zickman and his brother Tom (aka Tom Slick) - in from Park City - were up and dressed with their steeds at the ready… Zickman having generously passed on his coveted WOODY to his dear brother. How’s that for a bit of brotherly love? Wow.

Toe Setter assembled the bar and got the lounge music going whilst Gazelle Girl set out her special Bloody ‘ell ‘undred deviled eggs. And the guests proceeded to pour in…

Order of appearance is not germane to this listing, thus it has been ignored. In attendance were the already above mentioned Minions plus Bissell Boy, Boatman, B-Rod, Chico, Easty, Hoosier Boy, Polar Bear, Psychocross, Ranger Rick, Rollin (insert nickname here), Stryker Guy, Tow Truck, Wildman and Yeti Boy - who took the Nation by storm, making his entrance carrying two pans of STILL WARM cinnamon rolls that were OUT OF THIS WORLD! (And a fab accompaniment to the bloodies, if I do say so myself. And I also must say so myself: what are the chances that when one Minion needs to be called out in an alphabetical listing that Minion should happen to fall at the END of the list where a callout is best placed? Kismet!)
Boatman, Wildman, Toe Setter & Ranger Rick ready to rock!


Chico was THE MAN by hauling in a gigantic gallon of Absolut vodka via shopping bag aboard his bike. The vodka was Gazelle Girl’s suggestion when Chico inquired about contributing to the party, figuring some may like their bloody a bit stiffer than Toe Setter could muster. (This line of thinking should by no means be construed as relating to any domestic matters in the Gazelle Girl/Toe Setter household.)

After an hour of fellowship and a few photo snaps the group was off. Well, some of the group was off. A few kindly, patient folks stayed to watch Stryker Guy fiddle with some such on his bike. Gazelle Girl, for one, was just happy not to be standing in a pouring rain this time around.

No caption needed, eh Bunkie?
This early fissure appeared to set the tone for the first leg of the event as there would be many more fissures to come even after the lead group received a strong reminder via African proverb at the Doster Community Reformed Church. (See related photo.)

Ground rule for next year… Leave No Minion(s) Behind unless said Minion states, “Oh, go ahead without me. I’ll snag a shortcut.” This is a TOUR, replete with vodka and beer, and fun sights to see (although unlike the opportunistic Sharkman, we do not charge for viewing our route’s attractions). Expect a bit more leisurely pace than the regular Saturday A.M. Minion ride. And Leave No Minion Behind.

We, again, enjoyed great service from the folks at the Walldorff. And we, again, enjoyed the extreme generosity of two of our own, with Tow Truck picking up the lunch tab for a second year and Stryker Guy footing the beer tab. Need I even say it? Is this a great country or what? THANK YOU Tow Truck and Stryker Guy!

The ride back was far more “together” and chatty than the ride out. No big hurry this year as B-Rod had learned his lesson about trying to bend time and had not promised Mrs. B-Rod that he would be back for chores by 2 pm.
Tow Truck and Gazelle Girl!


Several Minions stretched out their well used legs on Zickman’s patio to enjoy yet more fellowship and a variety of beers from Zickman’s vast collection. We were delighted with a visit from the lovely Gwen, Wildman’s other half, who found Toe Setter’s bloodies to be just stiff enough.

We think all will agree, the Bloody ‘ell ‘undred jerseys were quite fetching in the brilliant sunlight. If you didn’t order one… well, you should. Contact Gazelle Girl atjoan.o@comcast.net. Next order goes in September 9. $55. No change.

Thanks to all who came out for the BEU. Sharkman really needs to plan to stay home some time and join us.

Oh, and we should all get ourselves a Minion license plate!

Yours truly,
The mighty Nation on the road!

In front of the Waldorf
Tow Truck
Tow Truck as the Paparatzi! 
Gazelle Girl
Is Wildman a Wildman or what?

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

RAINMAN WINS THEN DQ'S SELF!
Virgin Minions Ringo (Jim), Charlie & Paul! 

BATHROOM MECHANICAL? WHAT THE ……?

BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED COMING UP!

GAZELLE GIRL CELEBRATES 20 YEARS AT GAZELLE SPORTS!

ICEMAN REPORTS ON THE WAM!

SHARKMAN MISSING IN ACTION?

Belo News
August 3, 2013

Galesburg, Mi. - As our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, pulled back the shark bedspread and padded his way to the shark koffee maker, he noticed how dark it was outside.  Though the summer months and the long daylight hours are slowly coming to an end, our hero didn't think it should be so soon!  A closer looked out the window revealed heavy fog, which was confirmed as our hero pulled up his shark radar and weather forecast site.  Oh, the humanity!

Sharkman got his lights loaded on his steed and noticed that Nike Boy was circling the Cove and that Rainman was suited up and ready to ride!

Ride on!

As the trio headed out of the Cove they were joined by Stingray, doing his first ride over of the season.

Mad Dog had already been out riding in the fog and had gotten 10 miles in before his flashing light cut through the fog to announce his approach to the four Minions.

It was quite a light show as the four riders made their way to the start blinking red in their wake.  

Rainman and Mad Dog pushed the pace, causing them to get to the start somewhat early only to find some other early Minions, as well as some virgin Minions.

Brewman and Easty were there along with first time Minions Jim (now known as Ringo), Charlie and Paul.  All had ridden WAM and had learned about the Nation from other Minions like Easty.

Welcome to the Mighy Minion Naton!

Hambone returns! Check out the fog!
The riders continued to pour in, including Hambone, Wrongway and Yeti Boy who hadn't been out in a few weeks.  Stryker Guy, Sasquatch, All Black, Toast, Boatman, Peugeot Guy, Dave (who was later named "the Hammer"), to name a few. As all Minions know, when the numbers get over 15 and around 20 there is no remembering who was in attendance!

At the stroke of 8:00 A.M. the Nation headed into town and caught Gazelle Girl riding in to join on.

The early morning krew at the Klutch went wild as the Nation passed and headed south instead of north.

Sharkman went up from with All Black to the front to direct the peloton to QMan hill.

Sharkman pointed out the first "tourist site," the Galesburg Speedway.  Some Minions attempted to look away as he shouted out, "Galesburg Speedway, $.50, no change!) but the old Shark was watching those wondering eyes.  Sharkman was really on point as the nation headed south!  

As Sharkman went back and forth attempting to get a count, he got both 20 and 21, so suffice it to say 21 riders were in the Nation as they climbed the hill.

As the Nation crested Qman hill, topping out of the Kalamazoo River Valley, they were greeted with sunshine as the fog lifted and the fields were filled with the beautiful color of a southern Michigan morning!  It was a wonderful day to be a Minion!

The old Shark also moved ahead to attack the first sprint and though contested by Mad Dog, our hero was unsure if Mad Dog gave it to him or not, however, our hero did take the first sprint.

Mad Dog was on fire for the rest of the morning, contesting each sprint and taking many.  Mad Dog was awarded "Most Aggressive Rider" on the day.

Past the now famous waterfall, Cook Cemetery and the Railroad House tourist attractions, the shout of Sharkman continued, "$.50, no change!"

As the Nation turned on the "road to no where" the Shark watched the peloton move up and down the road as the Nation enjoyed the great morning!  When they got to the end of the "road to no where" Sharkman directed Wrongway to take the peloton to the right and immediately wondered if giving Wrongway leadership might be a bad idea!

The old Shark wanted to lengthen the ride, as the previous southern route had come up about 2 miles short of their regular KK- TdG field of dreams.

Sharkman has two loops and thought of adding one.  But the morning was so beautiful and Rainman and Wrongway had taken the lead and were motoring so smoothly, he decided to do both loops.  This would eventually add about 3 miles more than the regular ride, but no one was complaining.

The Rainman/Wrongway tandem took the pace up to 24 mph and the road was newly paved as they circled the Indian Run Golf Club and on to Indian Lake.  

Gazelle Girl asked what lake the Nation was passing when Sharkman stated, "you saw the lake?" To which Gazelle Girl stated "yes!"

Sharkman responded, "Indian Lake, $.50 cents, no change!"

After Indian Lake, Boatman and Sasquatch went to the front with Yeti Boy and Sharkman right behind them. It was as the Nation past the Old Scotts Mill that Wrongway lost a water bottle while crossing some very rough railroad tracks.  As the bottle went into the air, many of the Nation got a brief squirt from the wayward bottle making it sort of like sitting in the front row at the Bellagio in Vegas watching the show "O!"

Sharkman took a hit to the chest of the power drink and as he sucked it off his finger stated, "fruity but not pretentious, good vintage!"

A major discussion then took place concerning the alarming number of times the Nation had to cross railroad tracks!

The Nation took Scotts by storm as spectators along the route cheered their arrival!

As the peloton arrived back at 38th street the Nation came upon a elderly couple on a tandem that seemed shock by the sea of Minion riders. 

Sharkman announced that this was the route back to Qman Hill and the final sprint, though he also told everyone to wait at the MN stop sign.

The Nation picked up speed on the way to MN and two or three different groups broke apart at the peloton moved to MN.

Just at the train was getting serious about the sprint, a shout of "Mechanical!" was heard from the back of the peloton.

Confusion rained down as there were whistles, shouts, hand waving and riders really didn't seem to  know what the mechanical was!  Sharkman, along with some other riders, turned back to investigate only to get a "false alarm" alert and a wave to move ahead.  

It was later learned that Styker Guy needed a comfort break and shouted "Mechanical" to perform the act and not lose his place in the peloton.

Easty responded it was sort of "drama queenish" but the entire peloton was amazed at the speed of Styker Guys "comfort" maneuver.  He responded that "If only I could be as quick in the sprint!"

The Nation was waiting at the MN stop sign with the exception of Boatman who had to get back to
Brewman holds court while Toast checks his stocks!
work.  However, the Nation was right behind him!

Sharkman took an early lead, hoping to break up the peloton before the finish.  With the down hill finish on the descent of Qman Hill, he took the speed up to 30 mph easily.

The finish was like a runaway train as Sharkman noted a top speed of 36.8 mph and other Minions reported greater speed as they approached the finish.

Rainman broke out from the pack with Stringray, Wrongway and Gazelle Girl on his wheel.

Though it ended that way, Rainman immediately DQ'ed himself for crossing the double yellow lines, giving the win to Stingray!  Class act, Rainman and a good reminder to the entire Nation that safety is a priority in the peloton!

Average speed, 19.9 mph!

The Nation also caught Boatman as they rode down the Champs le Galesburg, past their adoring tofosi and the paparazzi!

The Klutch was rocking as the Nation arrived and Stryker Guy bought koffee for our hero!  Is this a
The Klutch was rocking!
great country or what!

Talk centered around "false mechanicals," "bathroom stops," and the upcoming Bloody 'Ell 'Undred!

Sharkman again announced that he would be gone for the next three Saturday's, including the Bloody 'Ell 'Undred to the dismay of his loving Minions!  But it is what it is……oh, the humanity......

And, the rides go on!

However, Belo News will go on leave for the next couple of weeks as the editors follow their hero, the Sharkman as he heads east.

Here is the schedule for the next three Saturday's!

This Saturday, August 10, 2013

Launch Time - 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Bloody 'Ell 'Undred

See invitation below

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Launch Time - 8:00 A.M. - SHARP! 

BE THERE AND RIDE SAFE!

THE BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED IN ONE WEEK!

Belo News
August 8, 2013

Galesburg, Mi. - The Bloody 'Ell 'Undred is just over a week away and the Nation can't wait!

Gazelle Girl reports the Bloody 'Ell 'Undred jerseys will be at the Klutch for pick up this Saturday!  For those who don't get theirs this Saturday, she will bring them to the BEU ride on 8/17.....OR folks are welcome to fetch theirs from GG's house located a tad north of the Klutch.  Just contact her via phone or email.  (See BEU invite below for data).

Gazelle Girl has reported that ride organizers, have a feeling that those who didn't get one of these babies will want one after their debut... No problem!

Gazelle Girl can do a second order! Is this a great country or what!

Contact Gazelle Girl and she will provide you with a sizing chart.  Re-orders will likely take place at the end of August.

So don't just sit there Bunkie, send you RSVP to Gazelle Girl now!





GAZELLE GIRL CELEBRATES 20 YEARS AT GAZELLE SPORTS!

Belo News
August 8, 2012

Kalamazoo, Mi. - Belo News is pleased to congratulate our own sweetheart of the peloton, Gazelle Girl, on 20 years of service to Gazelle Sports where she does marketing.  Though Gazelle Girl works from the Gazelle Girl Estate, she has been a major part of the Gazelle Sports Team for 20 years!  Congratulations on your dedication making Gazelle Sports the great organization that it is!


ICEMAN REPORTS ON THE WAM!
WAM Riders!

Belo News
August 8, 2013

Portage, Mi. - Iceman has been pretty busy since completing another successful WAM rides, but still found the time to report this great event for Belo News!

Sharkman is sorry he missed it and is wondering how much fun it would be to get the entire Nation out on this ride!  Here is Iceman's report:


The 107 rider strong Team Taylor joined the 900 other WIsh A Mile (WAM) 300 riders for the most organized ride you will ever be a part of.

And that is why they call him "Mo Pink!"
Day minus 1 of the WAM 300 mile bike ride includes Minion The Bounty Hunter ripping a tee shot on our driving range at the Team Taylor North HQ cottage.  210 yards to the island and then we go swimming for them.  Only rule here is you must hit with the "antique" small metal wood that my kids think clearly must be 50 years old.  Of course the Iceman ALWAYS puts it ON the island.

Day 1 (100 miles)  included severe headwinds all day long and big Northern Michigan hills.  Road about 20 miles in the rain, ate like kings, slept like babies in our tents.  Drank beer like a champion in downtown Big Rapids at Shubergs, the new official Team Taylor watering hole,  about 30 of us took over the place.

Day 2, (110 miles) ate a huge breakfast, got rolling a bit behind schedule at 6:45, my small group of
At the finish!
Nick Head and Kia Pet was one of the last to start.  We bypassed some rest aid stations and powered in for lunch right on time 9:15am!!
Hooked up with a bigger group after lunch just as we came into our favorite stretch, and we had a nice cross/tail wind pushing our 14 person pace line to 28 mph.  A few fell off and 6 of us  upped it to 30/31/32 mph.  This is a flat area and the road has no stop signs or interference for about 5 miles.  We were saying, " hey if we do this pace for 100 more miles, add 21 days in a row, throw in some mountains, we could be on TV".  Oh the humanity!!   (am I allowed to say that?!)

It wasn't all bike riding!
Kia Pet organized an amazing pizza and beer party for Team Taylor and Team Eaton and we headed into the auditorium for the ceremony.  Team Taylor rocked to a second place in the fundraising  with just over $170,000 raised for the kids and families. The entire ride raised over $2 million.   Is this a great country or what?!

Many tears were shed at the ceremony as it is what makes us realize why we do what we do.  It's not just a bike ride,  you have to do it to truly understand the meaning if it all.

Day 3  (90 miles) brought another 10 - 15 mph headwind.  It was relentless.  We charged on and met up with the 50 mile Team Taylor riders just outside Michigan International Speedway. We said a few words of thanks and remembered those that have left us way to soon, and pedaled very softly and quietly through the memorial called the Silent Mile as a 2 x 2 slow moving peloton of 107 riders for the last mile and entry onto the high banks and silky smooth surface of the race track. Emotional and very moving.

What it is all about.....
Team Taylor took the checkered flag at 1:45pm Sunday afternoon to huge throngs of family, music
Finishing on the MIS Track!
blaring, paparizi galore, noise, smiles, tears, and oh does that feel good.... climb off the bike!  A HUGE meal is  provided and I still stopped and ate on the drive home.  What a great team accomplishment for an amazing cause.

Its hard to believe that my Taylor has been gone for six years already, she would would be 20 years old now.  With her giving spirit I guarantee she is looking down on us with a huge smile and much pride as Team Taylor has donated $1,000,000 to Make A Wish in only six years. 

I highly encourage Minions to consider joining Team Taylor or Team Eaton for next years ride, it is quite an experience.

Pictures are of Iceman receiving his finishing medal from Wish Kid Christopher.

Mo Pink, Iceman, Mrs. Iceman, and wish kids at finish.

And the Team Taylor crew finishing it off at MIS.

 It's for the kids and families....

Iceman

SHARKMAN ABSENT? OH, THE HUMANITY

Belo News
August 8, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - Belo News is sad to report that our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, has announced that he will not be in attendance with the Minions on August 10, 17 or 24.  This will be the longest absence our hero has had from the Nation since the inception of the KK-TdG.  Sharkman and Lava Girl will be heading out on a vacation, a wedding and then some training that the old Shark will be attending in Chicago.  

Oh, the humanity!  But the ride will go on!

This also means no Belo News for the next couple of weeks.


But hang in there!  Our hero will return!  Consider yourself warned!