SHARKMAN WINS SPRINT – BOTH WAYS!

DUTCH TO BE RENAMED?

INTO THE VALLEY OF DEATH RODE THE MIGHTY MINION NATION!


Belo News
Galesburg, Mi.

September 18, 2010

Galesburg, Mi. – As dawn broke slowly over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, jumped from the warm, cozy comfort of his shark bed and padded to the kitchen to stoke up his Shark Koffee Grinder and the Shark Koffee maker. The Sharkman loves the smell of Koffee in the morning!

Having thought he heard a good weather report the night before, our hero didn’t bother to check the Shark Radar and it was so dark outside, it hid the weather that was apparently approaching the Cove from the west.

Our hero struck out from the Cove with lights on his bike, as it seemed to remain dark longer than expected on this warmish Saturday morning. Little did our hero know what lay ahead as ominous storm clouds began to form over Western Michigan, much like a panther ready to strike its prey.

Toast and Danimal were unloading their steeds as our intrepid Hero, the Sharkman, rode into the parking lot. All Black rode in as Stroker and Stingray arrived by car and began to get ready. Occasional Minion and Team Taylor rider Ryan also pulled in as the crowd began to grow.

Jo-MaMa rode in from Portage and Stryker Guy and new Minion, “The Don” came in from the north. Welcome “The Don” to the mighty Minion Nation!

Dutch then rode in completing the official start count.

As these twelve brave Minions gathered for the start of the KK-TdG this past weekend, major storm clouds continued to form just north of the Galesburg Middle School Parking lot and over, what the Minions have come to know as their field of dreams around Gull Lake. They would not be denied their start to the ride, though Stingray, logical as ever, asked if a southern route was going to be considered as lightening had been predicted.

Lightening?

After giving consideration to a southern route, it was determined there were more areas of safety to the north if lightening struck, and the Sharkman assured everyone that that would not happen, so the Mighty Minion Nation clicked in and headed north past the Klutch.

Stryker Guy set the early pace alongside Sharkman as the peloton moved into the darkening clouds. Gazelle Girl and then Falcon joined on as the train moved steadily up 36th Street making the number of riders 14. It was then that Falcon assured the Sharkman that the rain would hold off for at least two hours as the first sound of thunder was heard in the distance and the sky continued to darken in front of the riders. Of course, Falcon is a pilot and knows the weather like the back of his hand…..or does he? After all, wasn’t it Falcon who was the only rider to show up in a lightening and rain storm a couple of seasons ago?

Falcon led our hero out to the honorary first sprint with the assistance of Danimal, who had cancelled his intended ride of Barry-Roubaix due to the threat of rain.

Threat of rain?

As Sharkman took the sprint and did his count at the G Ave crossing, the first lightening bolt shot across the sky in front of the riders, lighting up the dark storm clouds to the north! Confusion hit the peloton as no one seemed to know whether to ride into the storm or to retreat. Sharkman called out that everyone should head back to the Klutch as a second bolt of lightening shot across the sky to the west.

Sharkman took his second sprint of the day (the same one he had just won) as he high tailed it back south on 36th St. Meanwhile, some of the riders, Stryker Guy, The Don, Falcon, and others chose to just head to the safety of home and rode into the storm. The entire peloton came apart and scrambled in different directions to seek safety from the lightening ahead. The Mighty Minion Nation scattered like cockroaches running for cover when the lights go on!

Forming his own lightening bolt, Dutch was not going to take any chances and put the pedal down as he headed back. After giving the honorary sprint to our hero for the second time this day, Dutch was moving so fast he was on his second Kup of Koffee by the time the Minions got back to the safety of the Klutch!

(We may have to change Dutch’s name to Lightening Boy or Bolt! We knew he was fast, but faster than lightening? Whoa! Lightening can be one hell of a motivator, eh, Dutch?!)

This past Saturday’s ride was a bit like the Alfred Lord Tennyson poem about the Charge of the Light Brigade. We’ve taken some liberties here, as we review Saturday’s short but epic edition of the KK-TdG. Hopefully, Lord Tennyson can forgive us for this from the grave…..

The Charge of the Mighty Minion Nation!

Half a league onward,

All in the valley of Death

Rode the 14 Minions.

"Forward, the Mighty Minion Nation!"

Charge for the lightening!" Sharkman said:

Into the valley of Death

Rode the Mighty Minion Nation!

"Forward, you Minions!"

Was there a man dismay'd?

Not tho' the Minions knew

Someone had blunder'd:

Theirs not to make reply,

Theirs not to reason why,

Theirs but to do and die:

Into the valley of Death

Rode the Mighty Minion Nation.

Thunder to right of them,

Thunder to left of them,

Lightening in front of them

Volley'd and thunder'd;

Storm'd at with rain and hail,

Boldly they rode and well,

Into the jaws of Death,

Into the mouth of Hell

Rode the Mighty Minion Nation!

Flash'd all their spokes bare,

Flash'd as they turn'd pedals in air,

Chain rings purring there,

Charging at the teeth of the storm, while

All the world wonder'd:

Plunged in the rain and hail,

Right thro' the line they broke;

Rider and Bike

Reel'd from the rain and stroke

Shatter'd and sunder'd.

Then they rode back, but not

Not all the starters…...

When can their glory fade?

O the wild charge they made!

All the world wondered.

Honor the charge they made,

Honor the Mighty Minion Nation,

Noble riders all!

When our Minions returned to the Klutch, Luann was there to greet them, as well as a number of locals who wondered why the quick return, until the lightening began to flash around the Klutch. Gazelle Girl, B-Rod, Toast, Sharkman and All Black were all that was left of the brave 14 who attacked the storm. All Black and Sharkman made calls to their respective spouses to procure rides home, as the lightening didn’t seem to want abate. Stingray returned to the Klutch after loading his bike and offered the Sharkman a ride home. Lava Girl, who didn’t seem too worried when Sharkman called to say he was O.K. (as matter of fact, the rain and lightening hadn’t started at the Cove yet and she wondered why he was calling) was pleased that Stingray was giving our hero a ride home.

So, Mother Nature won this round, but there is always next week!

The Sharkman announced that he will be gone the next three weeks! This is a first for our intrepid hero! Yes, the peloton will have to go on without their old Shark! There will be no email updates going out for the two weeks, so the following schedule will apply and due to the morning darkness, the time will change accordingly in October;

This Saturday September 25, 2010 – Launch Time – still 8:00 A.M. – SHARP!

Saturday, October 2, 2010 – NEW Launch Time – 8:30 A.M. – SHARP!

Saturday, October 9, 2010 – Launch Time – 8:30 A.M. – SHARP!

Be there!

Sharkman hopes to be back to ride on Saturday, October 16, 2010 weather permitting.
Fall is the best time to ride and the season is quickly coming to an end, so don’t miss anymore rides! You'll regret it this winter!

UNIVERSITY OF FROSTED FLAKES?

PURDUE TAKES COLLEGE GAME DAY!


TEAM TONY?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUANN!

Belo News
Galesburg, Mi.

August 28, 2010

Galesburg, Mi. – The dog days of summer are upon us and that seemed to work just fine for College Game Day this past Saturday. For what ever reason, this week’s edition of the KK-TdG was much mellower and a bit more social than it has been in recent weeks. Perhaps it was the long summer of riding, or maybe the fact that some Minions who haven’t been able to be at many of the rides this year were in attendance, or just that everyone was more social, but it was one of the more memorable rides of the season.

When one thinks of College Game Day, it tends to evoke thoughts of cool, crisp Saturday’s with lots of color, particularly College colors, marching bands and the thumping drums, along with shouts and cheers from the crowd. But this was another warm Saturday in a string of warm Saturday’s and perhaps that is why there weren’t as many jerseys….it certainly can’t be that people aren’t reading the Belo News, right?

However, on this warm Saturday morning there were fewer college jersey’s than is the norm, despite the large turn out for the KK-TdG.

Early talk the previous week predicted the usual battle between U of M and MSU, which has handily won the title of most popular jersey the past couple of seasons. However, they were both edged out by none other than Purdue, as both Hossman and Ironman showed up in Boilermaker colors, beating out the single MSU jersey (worn by none other than Bissell Boy) and the only U of M jersey (worn by Falcon). Of course, in addition to the single MSU jersey was the ever present Wisconsin Badger jersey (Sharkman hizzelf), as well as Colorado (University Bikes in Boulder - Skipper), Central College (Iowa - Cheddarhead), University of Cincinnati (the Pirate) and interestingly, the first Notre Dame jersey to make an appearance and it was very questionably on the back of an MSU grad who will remain nameless to protect him from any retribution he may be due. Though un-named, everyone did mention that he does resemble Andy Schleck on the bike when he wears yellow or white, but not a Notre Dame jersey.

(Editor’s Note – we apologize if we left off any college jerseys. We weren’t taking good notes.)

However, and coincidentally, there were three Frosted Flakes Jerseys (Dutch, B-Rod and Hutch) that would come into play as the morning moved on! Several reasons were given for the Frosted Flakes Jerseys, but best among them was that these were University of Frosted Flakes jerseys because of all the Tony the Tiger Frosted Flakes that had been consumed during the rider’s college years! Is this a great country or what?

As the Skipper ordered everyone to click in, approximately 22 riders headed out through Galesburg. The Mighty Minion Nations Official Barista, Luann, came out to cheer the riders on as they passed the Klutch and a number of riders, Gazelle Girl, Ironman, Boatman, to name a few, joined on as the Mighty Minion Nation moved north of town.

The Pirate led our intrepid hero out to his honorary sprint and though the Sharkman tried to get a count of Minions at the G Ave. crossing, he considered it impossible. Suffice it to say there were about 26 or 27 riders on the day.

A neutral zone was declared in the sprint run up to the col de Twin Lakes due to fresh chip and seal, but the riders got back into the pace as the climb began.

In the Kountry Klub section between the Yorkville Church and the Rt. 43 Stop Ahead, the pace picked up and the group was splintered, but it didn’t seem to matter as the riders were socializing and enjoying the fantastic morning.

The group didn’t push the pace too hard on the col de Norte or in the Bible Conference Hills and the camaraderie continued unabated.

As Chico, looking quite dapper in his University of Oberon Black jersey, dropped off just before the Digital divide, the Minions came together as a group and the mass of the Mighty Minion Nations lined up for the pace line to the 3 GZone.

The pace was at 19.1 at the 3 GZone crossing and the whole train slowed as they began snaking south to the finish. Worried once again of a mass sprint, our intrepid hero moved to the front of the slow moving train to push the pace, with Peugeot Guy and another new, young Minion in tow. A small gap opened up, but not for long as the entire mass of College and Frosted Flake jerseys began to descend on the final sprint.

As the Minions worked to get in position, the three Frosted Flake Jerseys went to the front along with a lone Purdue jersey. Dutch, Ironman and Hutch were shoulder to shoulder with Ironman in his Purdue Boilermaker Jersey making it look like a Tony the Tiger Team commercial filmed at Purdue University.

The riders remained four abreast as they bore down on the finish while Falcon and others tried to get into the mix, but it was like pushing cabbage through a key hole. It was not to be as the wall of Frosted Flakes careened towards the finish!

Dutch took the tape, with B-Rod inches behind, followed by Hutch and Ironman!

Both Hutch and Ironman attempted to give the third place finish to the other rider, but Sharkman, proud of his Minions humility, awarded a tie to them both. It was a victory for Frosted Flakes, as well as Purdue!

Average speed, 19.4 mph.

The fans went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as Team Frosted Flakes zipped up their jerseys for the sponsor while Purdue bowed to the crowd.

The Klutch was rocking as a large number of Minions stayed behind for Luann’s Hospitality. Some of the Minions stayed inside while others chose to sit outside. Those who sat outside were greeted by a bright super nova that came riding up in the form of Nikeboy sporting his all white Mellow Johnny kit! He immediately stated that it was still not Labor Day and he could wear white, while riders started to line up to see if he was selling Good Humor bars.

Skipper took one look at those white shorts and mentioned that the Minions were one rain storm away from seeing Nikeboys big, hairy, you know what (this is a family publication) and Sharkman was riding home behind him! Whoa, Nellie!

Mellow Johny never looked so good! Nikeboy then pulled our intrepid hero home from the Klutch.

You won’t want to miss this week’s edition for the Labor Day Weekend!

Saturday, September 4 (whoa, is it September already?) 2010

Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. – SHARP!

Be there!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUANN!


Belo News
Galesburg, Mi.

September 4, 2010

Galesburg, Mi – Saturday is our lovely Barista’s Birthday! Yes, Luann is celebrating by NOT working this Saturday but we Minions want to make sure we wish her a very Happy Birthday. A card will be available for everyone to sign this weekend at the Klutch in recognition of our gratitude and love for our very special Barista! So stop by the Klutch to sign your Minion name to honor our very own Luann!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUANN!


OUT OF SHARK SOCKS? OH THE HUMANITY OF IT ALL!

Belo News
Galesburg, Mi.

August 28, 2010

Kalamazoo, Mi. – After reports of Shark Socks being on sale at Alfred E. Bike last week, there was an unexpected run on the slick hosiery and you guessed it, several Minions went in to purchase the socks and there were only a couple of XL pairs left. Minions, being known for their delicate and diminative feet (it is small feet they are known for right?) were unable to purchase their very own pair of Shark Socks and protests and grievances were registered with the Sharkman hizzelf.

Never fear, however, AEB has assured our intrepid hero that additional Shark Socks will be a part of the next order of Cycling socks.

Minions need to be mindful that when Shark parifinalia goes on sale, they gotta get their little feet moving and get to the shop to buy that stuff!

In honor of the Sharkman and the holiday weekend, this weekend has been designated as “Shark Jersey/Sock or whatever fish stuff you got” Day! Yes, the Sharkman isn’t the only one who has cool shark stuff, is he? Put on your favorite Shark Jersey/Socks or whatever fish stuff you got and come out and ride with the Mighty Minion Nation!

SHARKMAN ADVISOR

Many of the Minions have asked, “What happened to the Sharkman Advisor column, where our intrepid hero and wise cycling sage would impart his wisdom on the masses?”

Well, there haven’t been too many questions of late, but the Sharkman is ready to field whatever questions come his way. Gear recommendations like yes, you should have brakes; or questions on attire, like yes, if you can't be good, look good; and nutritional questions like, is it really the prunes that make the Sharkmans hair so thick? (yes, as a matter of fact, it is!).

So send your questions to the man hizzelf, the Sharkman and he will start imparting some of that sage wisdom!